Deus Ex: Why it’s the BEST GAME EVER

The previous two blogs have been regarding conspiracy theories – Illuminati; Men in Black and Majestic 12. Part of my new fascination with these things comes from The X Files; but really it was because of the game that took me 8 years and 4 computer updates to eventually complete: the original Deus Ex.

Released in 1999, it was so ahead of its time, it was unreal. Eleven years later, it can still kick the crap out of various other cyberpunk themed FPS/RPG games. Oh wait, there still aren’t that many around! LOL (okay, there’s Bioshock, but yeah…)

Here’s my spoiler free plot summary: 2052. Civilization is in near collapse and the world economy is in chaos. Deadly diseases are decimating the world’s population and terrorist factions compete for power as governments crumble. My kind of world, basically 🙂 The player takes on the role of JC Denton, a “nano-aug” (nanotechnology-augmented) anti terrorist agent, with the ability to utilize superhuman abilities. These can be chosen and upgraded by the player, and the way they are utilized ultimately determines events in the game. The player must learn to employ stealth; gun play; critical thinking and strategy where appropriate in each mission. One must question everything and trust no one.

The rest of story is mind blowing, covering various topics ranging from corrupt organisations (FEMA is one such target) to conspiracy theories such as the Roswell cover up; Majestic 12; the Illuminati and the men in black, among many others. It is also scarily real in some instances. But I’m not telling you any more. Buy it and play the game to get the rest of the story.

I am not exaggerating when I say that this game has it ALL. For it’s time, the graphics were mind blowing. Sure the character animation was occasionally questionable (with characters continually breathing in and out when talking), but the scenery – recreated from actual maps; blueprints and photographs – and the gun animations could not be faulted. The weapon handling has never been better realized in a PC game, either. Upgrades and modifications can be bought for firearms for ease of wielding, and the player can earn skill points to improve ease of tasks such as lock picking; electronics; administering medicine; use of environmental appliances and handling of certain types of weapons. This enables the player to develop a compelling alter ego, and life becomes easier. Yay 🙂

It’s already sounding better than Half Life! 😉

The action is as intense or as scarce as the player wishes it to be. Personally, I find that killing most people and destroying most stuff is the more fun approach to playing the game, but it is down to player discretion. It is actually possible to complete the game having killed nobody (aside from a few necessary evils). Stealth is also a frequent aspect of the game, as is the employment of strategy and careful planning of action. No matter what situation one can find oneself in, there’s always a secondary path to the goal.

The voice acting for non playable characters is a bit strained and at times completely ridiculous – particularly in the Hong Kong level, but honestly, this just adds to the fun. At any rate, the main character’s voices are perfectly realized, especially that of the characters of JC Denton; Paul Denton (JC’s older brother) and secondary main bad guy Walton Simons – who is the most charismatic and cold blooded villain this side of Albert Wesker. The musical score is sublime and breathtaking, drawing influences from all genres. No other theme tune (buy the game and see what I mean) or background music could have set the mood for the game better.

I tend to become slightly lost for words when I talk about this game, and I probably haven’t managed to do it justice. It is a shoot em up; stealth; RPG; strategy and life simulation game all rolled into one; complete with a postmodern backdrop and kick-ass cyberpunk story line to boot. I’ll leave you with a list of cool and funny things that the player should try out in the game.

• Going into the ladies toilets
• Throwing pottery; potted plants; lamps; bins and bin bags at people
• Destroying seats that people are sitting on
• Breaking windows
• Going for a random swim
• Hacking ATMs and laundering money
• Taking “zyme” (a futuristic opiate drug)
• Getting pissed on alcohol
• Hitting people with a crowbar
• Flushing toilets
• Flushing urinals
• Stealing people’s food from their table
• Stealing alcohol from behind bars
• Travelling by air vents
• Breaking into lockers
• Breaking into houses
• Stopping mid mission to read a book or a newspaper
• Shooting tramps
• Shooting tramps with a crossbow, loaded with poison darts
• Stabbing/ hitting tramps with melee weapons
• “Sniping” (shooting people with a scoped gun from about 100-500 paces away)
• Paying to get into a nightclub, killing the cashier when you’re inside and looting their corpse for your money
• Talking to anybody you want, just to see what they come out with
• Listening in through locked doors in the ‘Ton Hotel ( you can hear some interesting stuff through certain doors)
• Gunning down MiBs, and watching them explode
• Stabbing and hitting dead bodies until they explode
• Encrypting certain characters’ kill phrases, and watching them explode
• Using explosives to break down doors
• Hacking into security systems; then turning cameras off and and setting turrets on people
• Accidentally killing people on your side to loot their bodies for ammo
• USING A LIGHTSABRE!

It’s up to you, but just remember: your destiny is in your hands. Deus Ex (full phrase: “Deus Ex Machina,” Greek) means “God Through the Machine.” You are God, and your PC is the machine you operate through. How you complete the game is a matter of choice. There are 3 possible endings to the game, too. Buy the game, close the blinds and become JC Denton. The future is what you make it.

10/10

Men In Black: Time To Get a Few Things Straight…

“Oh fucking hell, here we go again!” Well look, I’m bored to death of switching on my TV and having stories of tabloid phone hacking and witnessing back-bench celebrity nonces like Hugh Grant and Steve Coogan attempting to play Mr Morality; when my time could be spent more wisely watching The X Files.

So for the cavemen amoung the human beings who are unfamiliar with the Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones film franchise; the Men in Black, abbreviated as MiB, are men (not aliens, but more of that in a minute) attired in black clothing, who claim to be government agents – well let’s face it, could government agents wear any other coloured suit and carry it off? Nah. Their objective, for whatever reason, is to harrass and threaten witnesses of UFOs and other anomalous or paranormal phenomenon in order to silence them about what they have seen. The term itself is a generic one, which extends to any unusual; threatening or strangely behaved individual who’s appearance on the scene can be linked in any way to a UFO sighting (and be dressed in black). As I mentioned above, they crop up a hell of a lot in media and popular culture – their portrayal in The X Files is amazing. Take my word for it, Will and Tommy ain’t got shit on these guys!

The archetypal MiB is caucassian; stands at about 6ft; wears dark glasses; slicks his hair back; sports an earpiece and dresses in an immaculate tailored black suit with shiny black shoes. Their vehicle of choice appears to be black Caddilacs, but recent sightings and confrontations indicate that they may choose to travel in any vehicle without traceable number plates.

Their behaviour patters are possibly the most disconcerting and frightening thing about them. According to the numerous accounts of people who have encountered them, they appear to have gathered detailed personal information about the subject prior to their arrival on the scene, as if they had been on their case for a long period of time. They appear fascinated by everyday objects such as pens; kitchen utensils and food. When speaking, they have been known to use out of date slang phrases, but experiences and traits vary by experience. They often claim to be from a government agency collecting information on UFOs; aliens; etc, and they may appear to supress information by drumming into the witness that the phenomenon doesn’t exist. They have been known to behave in both a furtive manner or an extremely creepy outgoing one, complete with unnerving smiles and giggles. Witnesses say they claim to be from the US Air Force or the CIA. They usually produce identification, but when chased up it sometimes transpires that the agents either do not exist; have been dead for some time or have a different rank.

Now there are various explainations as to who they may be and where they come from, but some of the explainations offered are grade A bullshit.

They are NOT aliens. How exactly would an alien overcome language barriers or work out prices of clothing in Macey’s or Armani when buying the suit? How would they shine their shoes without knowing how to operate shoe polish? How would they know how to operate their vehicles? How would they work out gasoline prices and how to use the pumps in a garage? These are only a few questions that are posed by this farcical; arse-about-face theory of the origin of MiBs.

They are MOST DEFINATELY NOT demons. I have no idea where these crackpot folkloric explainations of MiBs originated, but it’s definately not true. My best attempt at an explaination as to where this came from is that some unprofessional UFOlogist (yeah that’s a real profession, I shit ye not) had been reading a few too many stories from H.P Lovecraft and Denis Wheately – who both have been known to refer to “the black man” in a non rascist context in order to describe a cloaked figure of mysterious origin and dark intent – and tried to draw some kind of correlation between that and the MiB. Although a mildly intriguing concept at face value, it requires a belief in both the Christian God and Satan in order to be taken seriously. As a former sociology student, I know that serious researchers cannot let their religious belief cloud their research. It could be seen as unprofessional conduct on their part, and may render their findings meaningless.

They DO work for the US government. [By default, that also makes them human :P] Renowed American UFOlogist Bill Moore asserts that the MiBs operate in a rather strange branch of Air Force Intelligence known as “Air Force Special Activities Centre” (a certified branch if AFI, located in Fort Belvior, Virginia, and under operational command of Kelly Air Force Base in Texas). He argues that their objective is to cover up and suppress accounts of alien contact in order to keep the witness’ quiet while an investigation is conducted into the case; and that the witness does not go blabbing to mass media about what they’ve seen, which would hinder the investigation. Rationality is a wonderful thing when applied correctly 🙂

They MAY have connections to Majestic 12. Majestic 12, abbreviated as MJ12, is the code name of a secret society of scientists; military leaders and government officials formed by executive order in 1947 by then-US President Harry S. Trueman. The alleged purpose of the group was to oversee investigations into UFO activity after the famous Roswell Incident – where an alien spaceship supposedly crashed in Roswell New Mexico in 1947. It has been suggested that they had covered up UFO information in order to prevent a media moral panic. Existence of Majestic 12 has been fiercely denied by two generations of government officials, and documentation of their existence – all of which was signed by Harry S. Trueman, with a distinctive flick in all of the signatures that would be troublesome to replicate falsely – has been described as “completely bogus.” I could write another blog about weather or not these guys exist, but it would be less exiting than this one and the Illuminati one. In short, I believe they do exist (“You would though, Ben!” I hear you say). I also would not rule out the possibility of MiB having ties to them.

In conclusion, IF the MiB are real (which I think they are, but I guess the skeptics among us will need both an alien encounter and an MiB encounter in order to make up their minds), then they are humans; they work for the US Air Force and their job is to keep whistleblowers of UFO sightings quiet while they try to establish what the hell is going on, and temporarily stop media moral panics while they’re at it. They may also be part of Majestic 12. The way I see it, they do us humans a great service! (8) NOD YA’ HEAD, The Black Suit’s Comin… (8)

Do the Illuminati Exist…?

“Oh shit, Ben’s been reading too far into conspiracy theories!” Yeah, I guess. But it’s bloody interesting. What else to do during an extended summer break? So to start off, I’ll give a moderately detailed overview of what the Illuminati is all about, courtesy of Wikipedia.

Illuminati means “the enlightened” in Latin. Historically, the name refers specifically to the Bavarian Illuminati, which was an enlightenment-era secret society founded in Ingolstadt by Adam Weishaupt back in 1776. The group mainly consisted of advocates of freethought; secularism; liberalism; republicanism and gender equality. No documentation regarding how their meetings were constructed exists, nor does any plans of action. They were purported to have been a conspiritoral organisation that acted as a “power behind the throne.” They allegedly controlled and facilitated world affairs through governments and corporations, and were believed to be the masterminds behind events that would eventually lead to a New World Order. [All potentially false speculation.]

The group was infiltrated, broken up and surpressed by government agents of Charles Theodore, Elector of Bavaria in 1785, due to speculation (Speculation = key word) of conspiricy to overthrow Bavarian monarchy and potentially Roman Catholicism. However in the late 18th century, reactionary conspiricists such as John Robinson and Augustin Barruel began to suggest in their writings that the Bavarian Illuminati survived their oppression and were the masterminds behind the French Revolution and the Reign of Terror. Speculation of their existence and potential governmental influence continues to this day, and appearances in popular culture are frequent – if slightly demonising. Refer to the 2001 film adaption of “Lara Croft Tomb Raider” and any books by Dan Brown to see what I mean.

We got there in the end. Phew.

Now to me, it seems like a really cool concept. Crooked governments being controlled by a shady organisation and so forth. And secretly, deep down, I know that everybody, and I mean EVERYBODY, loves a good old conspiracy theory. And furthermore, EVERYBODY wants to believe them. Don’t you dare try to deny it. I simply love to keep an open mind about these things. Makes life a bit more fun that way, and much less black and white! 😛

I’ll now demonstrate how fun it is. So let us assume for one moment that we have been granted special insight into the goings on of the British Government. Let us assume that the Government is in fact being controlled by a shady organisation known as the Illuminati. Some members of Parliament may even be members. For arguements sake, we’ll assume that David Cameron joined the Eton branch of the Illuminati, as did Gordon Brown before him in Glasgow (hehe). All the major decisions made by Parliament – and even some world events – were potentially drawn up and facilitated by masterminds attempting to reach New World Order. This could include the rise in tuition fees; pension cuts; the fox hunting ban; the banning of smoking in public places and the News of the World phone hacking scandals, to name but several other things.

SEE HOW COOL THIS IS?!

However, the motives for the Illuminati’s alleged decisions in these matters still seems hazy. Are they trying to achieve NWO through chaos and social unrest? Could the rise in tuition fees and the phone hacking scandal and the rest all have been decisions made in order to potentially trigger a global uprising or the downward spiral of society? Let’s hope so, because if they were trying to achieve New World Order through liberal means, they’d be going about it completely the wrong way! 😛

This is beginning to sound like we’re in Deus Ex! [BTW, it’s the best video game of all time, go and buy it NOW.]

And now, let’s inject a bit of rationality back into our systems and assume that all the governmental decisions and scandals were actually facilitated and carried out by the governments and corporations, with no influence from outside factors.

BORING! WHERE’S THE ILLUMINATI WHEN YOU NEED THEM?!

The debate is now open. What do you think? Personally I’d love to think that they do exist and that they really do control world affairs. But the sad truth probably is that they were as harmless as the Freemasons; the members mainly consisted of out-of-touch grumpy old 50-somethings; they had no real say in political agendas and they didn’t really survive their suppression back in 1785. The modern day enlightenment cults such as the Ordo Templi Orientis and the more right wing surviving factions of the Freemasons are probably the closest thing we have to a modern day Illuminati, and most of them are harmless and/or bogus. 

And yet, the Coalition Government could really use a mastermind or two, don’t you think? 😉

HORROR REMAKES: Ones to Watch; and Ones to Avoid Like a Bad Horror Remake…

So it would seem that Hollywood has finally ran out of ideas in the horror department!

Remakes are a 10 a penny phenomenon nowadays, and many horror film aficonados such as myself often get pissed off when we hear that some unknown director has decided to remake a classic, seemingly untouchable horror film from the days of old. It is also often the case that the makers of these remakes are doing it for a paycheck, and not to deliver a quality piece of filmmaking. BUT IT MUST BE POINTED OUT that the remake can outshine the original in isolated cases. Therefore, in order to give credit where it’s due, I have gathered a list of remakes that one should check out. [NOTE: In order to fully appreciate the films listed; the original must be viewed first.]

• The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003). What starts off as an idillic journey to a Lynard Skynard concert for 5 friends in 1973 turns into a nightmare beyond anything anyone could ever imagine… Introducing a whole new generation to the horrors of the original and officially bringing gore-filled horror movies movies back to the attention of the world, Marcus Nispel’s faithful remake of the 1974 classic video nasty stayed true to the original, yet also managed to flesh out characters before they get dispatched via Leatherface and chainsaw. The Hewitt family are also explored at great depth (particularly the scarily deranged Sherriff Hoyt); action scenes are executed efficiently; Jessica Biel adds the babe factor and the ending managed to chill even my wisened spine. A true gem amoung modern remakes.
• Friday the 13th (2009). The 1980 original gave birth to the “dark voyeur” camera shot, and cemented Friday the 13th as the unluckiest day in the calendar. But not even a young Kevin Bacon getting harpooned through the throat could detract from the fact that the film was, to quote star Betsy Palmer, a piece of shit. Marcus Nispel is at the helm again for this one, and manages to make a polished; dark and brooding film from a franchise too far past its prime (and was honestly crap enough to begin with). It actually features Jason instead of his crackpot mother – a smart move, appealing to the fans by featuring the very thing that they can relate to. The chase sequences were thrilling; the traps were awesome and the gore… Well it’s a Marcus Nispel film, work it out. And hey, it’s gotta be good if Michael Bay is your producer, alongside original director Sean S. Cunningham.
• The Hills Have Eyes (2006). Only Alexandre Aja’s second directional masterpiece after “Switchblade Romance” in 2003, the film is identical in almost every single way to Wes Craven’s original. An all star horror cast featuring Cathleen Quinlan; Aaron Stanford and Buffalo Bill himself, the one and only Ted Irvine, Wes Craven was also loosely involved with production, so it clearly had his seal of approval. The characters (both human and cannibal) were all believeable as well as relateable, and none of the human characters ever experienced the “curiosity killed the cat” syndrome that has become a staple of horror remakes. A true struggle for survival for the good guys; and also features the most satisfying and blood fuelled movie climax EVER. Horror aficonados owe it to themselves to see it.
• I Spit On Your Grave (2010). The bitch gets even… Stephen Munroe’s new and refreshing take on the 1981 rape revenge exploitation classic is one of the most unsettling and repulsive visual experiences one would ever hope to witness. It features a few script changes and a few different elements than that of the original (which is still banned in various European countries), but ultimately these small tweaks pay off. Whereas in the original the infamous rape scenes happen in broad daylight, they happen at night in the remake, which opens up opportunities for “boo” moments as well as sheer brutality. But once she starts to exact revenge on her rapists, its even more vile and brutal than what was done to her. And all the better for it. Sarah Butler gives a hard as nails performance, and the supporting cast also give great performances as some of the sleaziest and scummiest bad guys on film. Watch this one at your peril.  This is the Absynth of horror remakes. Strong stuff, indeed.
• The Thing (1982). 1951’s “The Thing From Outer Space” was the zeinth of science fiction horror. “The Thing” managed to surpass even that. There’s no denying that “The Thing” set a whole new benchmark for sci-fi/horror/action hybrid films. Even “Aliens” can’t hold a candle to it. Kurt Russel and company give amazing performances as the paranoid team of scientists fighting off a shape-shifting alien life form that assumes the appearance of the ones it consumes. The set pieces are incredibly well constructed; the costumes and facial hair are appropriate; and the action kicks ass. But the selling point of the film is the special FX. With Tom Savini on board, there was no shitty CGI to be seen here, only rubber and latex construction with gallons of fake blood and butcher offal to throw at us. It made it seem all the more scary and visceral. Still the undisputed zeinth of horror remakes, almost 30 years down the line.
• Last House on the Left (2009). Wes Craven’s directional debut is still banned in the UK uncut, almost 40 years on. The remake had a lot to live up to, and while I did not expect a lot from it initially, when I heared Wes Craven was the producer, I owed it to myself as a fan to check it out. I was not disappointed. Director Dennis Iliadis managed to maintain the cruel and sadistic nature of the original, and succeeds in taking the audience on a wild rollercoaster ride that only lets up briefly during necessary scenes of dialogue and character interaction. Gore levels are at an optimum high; not a drop of sleaziness or sadism from the bad guys goes to waste and the cold revenge exacted by the parents of the affected child is satisfying to levels that would make you stand and applaud. The original still wins on grounds of shock factor, but this is a faithful and intense visual experience, and assertive proof that Craven is never wrong when it comes to production nowadays.

And now for the ones you should avoid for fear of causing severe permanent damage to your cental nervous system.

• The Grudge (2005). Featuring the original director Takashi Shimizu; maintaining the original setting of Tokyo instead of New York and starring scream queen Sarah Michelle Gellar of “Buffy…” fame; this was a bold and solid attempt at Americanising what is the most frightening and terrifying film ever to have come out of the diverse and original Japanese horror market to date. However, it simply did not pack the punch that the original did, and thus did not yield any lasting impression on me. A shame, considering what it had going for it. 
• Rob Zombie’s Halloween (2006). “Dig through the ditches; burn through the withches and slam in the back of my DRAGULAAAAA!” Rob Zombie carefully divides his time nowadays between being a successful solo rock star and a notorious filmmaker. His original films “House of 1000 Corpses” and “The Devil’s Rejects” are visceral; brutal and bloody fantastic, and made him a force to be reckoned within the horror community. “Halloween” wasn’t that good. Sure, Malcolm McDowell does an alright job as the new Sam Loomis; there was lots of gratuitous sex and booby shots on offer and the violence was nice. But all those things really did was contribute towards making this film seem like a film you could only watch for boobs and gore, whereas the original you could watch any time and it’ll still shock and scare you. I guess its down to viewer discretion, but I’ll take the original over this any day of the week.
• The Ring (2002).The start of a slippery slope for American remakes of Asian originals. The original “Ringu” was taut; immensley frightening and the special FX were awesome. The remake overhauled the special FX and half ignored direction quality and sloppy camera work. Naomi Watts was extremely irritating in the lead role, and as blonde as they come. She delivered a better performance in Peter Jackson’s “King Kong” than she managed here, and she played second fiddle to a giant monkey in that film. All tension was lost through these processes. An epic fail in every sense.
• Dark Water (2005). Empty hyperbole. The original, directed by “Ringu” director Hideo Nakata was one of the scariest visual and sound experiences ever, and rivalled “Ju On” for its ability to be so simplistic in story and shooting conventions, yet so harrowingly terrifying. This remake lived up to neither of these reputations. A naff; frustrating and diluted attempt at Americanising a truly chilling ghost story. Avoid at all costs.
• A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010). Dumbed down and grandiose, not even an engaging performance from the uber cool Jackie Earle Hayley as the iconic Freddie Krueger could save this film from mediocracy. Watching this film is like hearing a fire alarm going off in an old abandoned building – if you know for a fact that there is no urgent relevance in investigating, best not bother. I doubt Robert Englund or Wes Craven would have found it a particularly engaging experience to watch. Entirely “meh.”
• The Wicker Man (2006). If alarm bells aren’t ringing in your head already, you must be handicapped. The bad guys were radical feminists, and there wasn’t even any music numbers in it. Blarg.
• House of Wax (2005). It’s got Paris Hilton in it. Go figure.

POWER RANGERS: the top 10 best Rangers of all time

So I live in England. And as is customary in England, every decent franchise from America and/or New Zealand comes to our general awareness a year late. The same naturally goes for my doseage of Power Rangers. If it were not for the spandex wearing; high kicking; no nonsense team of mixed ethnicity heroes of the 1990’s, my life may have turned out quite differently. I owe my continual success in martial arts to the Power Rangers. With the news that creators Saban had bought back the rights of the franchise, I was euphoric. This marks a new era in Power Rangers history.

Now, with “Power Rangers Samurai” due to hit British screens in a few months time, here is my round up of the undisputed 10 best Power Rangers of all time.

10: Sky Tate (SPD, played by Chris Violette). The last truly talented martial artist to appear in Power Rangers to date, blue SPD ranger Sky Tate’s competitive and egotistical nature sparked a continual rivalry with red ranger and team leader Jack Landors, which made for compelling viewing. Sky’s father Wes Collins was the red Timeforce ranger, and he naturally wished to take up the mantle of the red ranger in order to live up to his father’s name. Throughout the series, however, he learns that heroes come in all colours and that teamwork is the best way to deal with most problems in life. He did eventually realise his dream and become the red SPD ranger when Landors needed to take some time off. Violette only learned karate for the show, and his natural ability for it complemented his superior acting chops. It was him that made SPD the last truly great series of Power Rangers, and he also made Doggy Krueger excuseable.

9: Zack Taylor (Mighty Morphin’ season 1; played by Walter Emmanuel Jones). Some would argue that Zack deserves a higher position on the list. I would argue against that. Zack’s unusual fighting style, consisting of a mixture of kung fu and cheesy 1990’s hip hop dancing, was unrealistic and corny at best. Sure, it was impressive for a kid to look at and there was a lot of tricking involved with the unmorphed fights, but all it really did was serve to solidify Zack as the african american stereotype of the team, and ironically Zack donned the black ranger mantle. It was Zack’s jovial personality and zest for life that we best remember him and was the reason for his popularity, but Jones’ contract and pay influenced exit from the series served to make his character simply fade away. Oh well, there were better rangers anyway.

8: Rocky DeSantos (MM and Zeo; played by Steve Cardenas). Stepping into the spandex of the best red ranger of all time is never an easy thing to do, and with the focus on Tommy Oliver as the new leader of the team, the character of Rocky DeSantos was frequently denied the opportunity to have centre stage in many episodes, so we never truly knew much about him. “Underrated” is the order of the day for Rocky. While he may not have initially had many stand alone moments of greatness in “Mighty Morphin;” he would often team up with Adam and Ayesha for group fights, and be present for all group interactions. Cardenas already held a 3rd degree black belt in Taekwondo at the time of his audition, and he seemed cool with the initial idea of Rocky being a 2D character who could kick some serious ass all the same. He also helped to overhaul the fight choreography in order to make it look more badass. Thankfully by the time Zeo came along, the producers had cottoned on to Cardenas’ potential, and Rocky was given much more of a central role in ZEO, as the amazing blue Zeo ranger 🙂

7: Andros (In Space, played by Christopher Khayman Lee). By the time “In Space” came onto my screen in 1998, I had earned my yellow belt in Tang Soo Do, and was still an avid fan of the show (even though I thought Turbo was shit). I was initially unsure of what to make of “In Space” after watching the first episode, due to its much darker and more brooding tone. But I persisted, and it quickly became one of my favourite series of all time. Andros was a typically lonely and isolated character, who’s troubled past overshadowed the events of the entire series. Losing his friend and his sister under violent circumstances made emotions such as trust incredibly hard for him to be able to grasp, and episodes would often focus on the other rangers teaching him how to be a better team player and to learn how to accept help when it is needed. Khayman Lee’s fighting style leant itself perfectly to the series’ darker tone, focusing on the use of brutal kickboxing techniques. It helped to create a grittier; more violent style of choreography that the fans like me adored. It hasn’t been better realised since.

6: Eric Meyers (Timeforce; portrayed by Daniel Southworth). Leader of the Silver Guardians, a rebel faction set up by Wes Collins’ father, Myers is the uber cool “Quantum” ranger, available to assist the Time Force rangers in their times of need for extra whoop-ass. There is no other reason why Eric made it this high up on the list other than the fact that he can really, and I mean REALLY, fight. You automatically knew when Eric turned up in an episode that somebody was gonna get their ass kicked all over the screen. Southworth had already worked in Hong Kong with the greats of action and martial arts cinema such as Jackie Chan and Sammo Hung prior to his audition, and was head choreographer for the episodes he appeared in. As an added bonus, Eric Myers’ character was a compelling and interesting one. He was a no nonsense leader with plenty of common sense and an iron strong belief in justice, and his fighting style mixed all the best elements from the previous series into one frantic assault on enemy forces. One of the most fearsome rangers of all time.

5: TJ Johnson (Turbo and In Space; played by Selwyn Ward). As the Zeo and Turbo rangers prepared to graduate from college, Theodore J Jarvis Johnson – or TJ, as he preferred to be called – was appointed the status of red Turbo Ranger by Tommy Oliver, after he had proved his leadership abilities by helping to fight off Divatox’s minion army while the rangers helped to save some child hostages. We all know very well that “Turbo” was definately nobody’s favourite series, and the loss of favourite rangers Tommy Oliver and Adam Park were a fatal blow to the franchise’s fan base, but TJ made the series watchable. Ward was the first ever african american red ranger and team leader – an epic win for racial equality amoung more mature fans. But his true moments of glory came from “In Space,” as the blue space ranger. Ward was an excellent boxer and grappler, much like his co star and tag team partner Roger Velasco (who played black space ranger Carlos Vallerte), and this also leant itself better to the harder hitting choreography standards of “In Space.”

4: Kimberly Hart (Mighty Morphin’ seasons 1; 2 and 3; played by Amy Jo Johnson). The original and still the best, Kimberly stole the hearts of every young male fan, and their father’s too. A typical valley girl who’s friends meant everything to her, she was the ranger who was most likely to fire off a sarcastic comment or witty one liner in a given situation. Indeed, she became famous for her epic put-downs on series clowns Bulk and Skull (the science fair scenario was my favourite, it still gets me laughing every time). Amy Jo Johnson’s expertise as a gymnast was also injected into her character, and Kimberly’s gymnastic fighting style was perfect for the cheesy fight choreography of the original series. When the show’s choreography style experienced an overhaul, Johnson quickly learned more martial arts techniques in order to keep up with the pace of play. No other female ranger of any colour has gartered as much adoration from fans as Kimberly did, and I seriously doubt they ever will :’)

3: Adam Park (Mighty Morphin’ seasons 2+3; Zeo and Turbo; played by Johnny Yong Bosch). The second ever black ranger, Adam Park recieved the Mastodon power coin from Zack Taylor, when Zack was assigned to attend a peace conference in Switzerland. Adam shared Zack’s trait of being very unlucky in love, but unlike Zack – who was an amazing dancer and generally very sociable, Adam was shy; sensitive and spiritual. The dramatic change of personality did not sit well with the fans of Zack’s “hip hop kido” antics; but eventually we all learned to be sympathetic with Adam due to his naturally coy demeanour. However, we were also completely blown away by his insane fighting style. Johnny Yong Bosch was well versed in Shaolin kung fu at the time of his audition, and relied heavily on the use of flashy kicks; twists; trips and flips to overcome his enemies. As the series’ progressed, Adam’s confidence grew and his combat skills were refined even further. Johnny Yong Bosch’s fanbase also increased, and he capitalised on the new found fame with his voice over work and music career. Adam has returned for various special episodes and has reminded us, through his awe-inspiring fight scenes and well rehersed dialogue, of his worthy place in Power Rangers history.

2: Jason Lee Scott (Mighty Morphin’ seasons 1+2 and Zeo; played by Austin st. John). EPIC UPSET. Jason very nearly pipped Tommy to the top spot, but his tenure on the show was too brief to allow that. Having said that, there was a reason why he is the greatest red ranger of all time. While Austin st. John’s acting skills were questionable at the best of times – much like a mixture of Arnie and Chuck Norris – he remains the only cast member ever to have multiple black belts in different martial arts. This was implemented into the character of Jason Lee Scott. A natural leader, Jason teaches Karate at the Angel Grove gym, and is credited with teaching Billy Cranston martial arts. He is also a weights trainer and a certified scuba diving instructor. Jason’s leadership qualities remain unmatched, and he is the only person ever to have defeated Tommy Oliver in combat. The latter point raises the question as to weather Jason is a better fighter than Tommy. If you were a fan of the show and didn’t like Jason, you were an unworthy fan. Even when Tommy became the team leader, he still relied heavily on Jason’s skills to complete certain tasks. Jason made a truly epic return to Power Rangers in “Zeo” (after St John settled his contract and pay dispute with Saban) as the gold Zeo ranger. “A Golden Homecoming” it was indeed.

1: Tommy Oliver (Mighty Morphin’ seasons 1,2,3; Zeo; Turbo and Dino Thunder; played by Jason David Frank). Well what can you say? It was impossible for anybody to reach the top spot other than Tommy. In short, his Karate skills were vicious and brutal; his evil era very nearly destroyed the Power Rangers forever; his costumes had the best attatchments and armour; he had the best weapons (anybody remember the dagger that played a tune, and the talking sword Saba?); he had the best zords – the dragon zord looked like a Godzilla clone; he bagged Kimberly and then bagged her Australian successor Kat Southard; his mullet got bigger and more badass with every season and the green ranger’s storyline is still the most dramatic and stern storyline ever written. Jason David Frank sold every aspect of his character, from his emotionally driven dialogue to his epic battles and resultant undying friendship with Jason. He is the Orson Welles of the helmet and spandex, and has made more returns than a failing British soap opera. He is the undisputed best Power Ranger of all time. Frank is now an MMA fighter, and I wish him every success in the world with everything he does. I owe my successes to you, Mr Frank.

“May the Power protect you all.” – Tommy Oliver, “Forever Red.”

“Avoiding a McDojo: A Comprehensive Guide by Ben” Part 3: A Few Words on Kids in the Dojo

In my Jujitsu class, there are no kids. It is an adult class suitable for anyone aged 14 and up, with full contact sparring and an emphasis on self defence. That is the way that serious martial art clubs ought to be run. However, at my Tang Soo Do class, there are many kids. This is mainly to help boost our “family appropriate” image. I have never been a fan of this approach to teaching. I believe that martial arts training should be harsh and militaristic, and having kids in the class means that instructors have to be more lenient towards pupils. Nonetheless, I will be willing to put up with this PROVIDED that I am pushed to my limits in training and that my Sensei/Sabonim will help me to achive my goals and support me.

BUT THERE ARE CHILDREN UNDER THE AGE OF 15 WITH BLACK BELTS. AND THIS DOESN’T JUST APPLY TO MY MARTIAL ARTS SCHOOL, IT HAPPENS ALL OVER THE WORLD.

I’m afraid to say that the sad truth is that a kid under the age of 15 is simply unworthy of holding a black belt in a traditional martial art such as Taekwondo; Shotokan; etc. There are requirements and qualities of being a black belt that kids under this age simply cannot perform until they reach a certain age and strength.

One such quality is LEADERSHIP. A child black belt cannot take a class effectively for legal and safety reasons until they reach at the very least 15. They may be able to take other Junior belts (preferably of their own age or similar) through their forms; one steps; etc, but a child being a leader of a martial arts club is unheard of, thus making the black belt a bit of an unrealistic pursuit for them.

Which brings me onto my next point. Most children’s training ethics are completely wrong. Most of them don’t train to be leaders in their fields, or even to properly learn the philosophies and ethics behind the martial arts. It is all to often the case that kids are training simply to get the elusive black belt, and nothing else. Once they are awarded the black belt, they may never show up to classes again, and that’s deeply saddening. I mean Bruce Lee said himself that a belt is only a means by which a student can hold up his pants. A black belt is no more than just that. A black belt. You can buy one in Primark for £2.50. It even has a buckle! :O
Bruce also said that unless you can actually defend yourself in a fight, then that belt doesn’t symbolize anything. Being a black belt (or red belt if you practice Brazillian Jujitsu) is a state of mind; a certain training and fighting attitude; a level of prowess in combat that not many others have; a responsibility and loyalty to your art and to your students. Find me one child in the whole of England that wants to attain what I have just described. You’ll be searching the McDojos for a long time.

So, if your martial arts school features Junior black belts, be weary of what I have mentioned here. The odds are that you will be training in martial arts with the correct mindset for it, and will expect your Sensei to push you to reach your goals. I’ll bet you 5 to 1 that the average kid black belt standing at the front is only coming to class because either his parents won’t let him quit, or he feels some sort of self importance standing so close to the Sensei. I wouldn’t be put off by it. If however your martial arts school is inundated with Junior black belts AND features all the things I’ve talked about in the previous chapters of Avoiding a McDojo: either challenge your Sensei about it or leave the school. Your martial arts tutelage is being compromised by this and it isn’t fair.

Be McDojo-wise, everybody. Osu.

“Avoiding a McDojo: A Comprehensive Guide by Ben” Part 2: Signs and Signals

Is it the martial arts alone that give the student intergrity; concentration; perseverance; respect; obedience; self control; humility and an indomitable spirit? OR is it the teacher that helps the students develop skills that will last them a lifetime?

The good news for us is that the answer is most definitely the latter. The bad news is that the McDojos SEEM to not acknowledge it. So, with the help of www.nononsenseselfdefence.com, I will now be revealing the classic signs and symptoms of a martial arts school that has slid into “belt factory” territory.

The school owner turns his/her attention to running the business over teaching. Instead of hiring someone to handle some of the business ends of things, the teacher decides to do it themselves. This ultimately takes up a hell of a lot of time, and as a result, the teacher has little time for training. They ultimately become a part time teacher in their own school. Kinda sad, really.

The school owner turns his/her attention to recruiting more customers than ensuring quality instruction to the students. So you enter the dojo and the teacher will meet you and answer all your questions and show you around. Cool. But who’s teaching the class while he’s doing it?! If this doesn’t puzzle you, you can be sure that the majority of your instruction will be doled out to you by one of their high grade students.

The school owner (or the school) has become a “big name.” I hate it when this happens. This means that due to increased publicity through advertising and marketing, either the teacher or the style has become the drawing factor for new students, who flock to the school expecting quality instruction because on the “name.” Lol at them. What then happens is that people fork out tons of money to be taught by the high grade students while the real teacher sorts out the business stuff and keeps the recruitment drive going.

The school owner ‘cherry picks’ from the student-base for the school’s prize fighters. This is the moment when all the previous points start to overlap. The teacher will provide good quality instruction to ONLY those that they think are gifted and talented enough to gain a place on a team; win medals; boost publicity; etc. The rest of the students become back bench cash cows, forking out money to be taught poor quality martial arts from high grade students. Their money will fund the instructor with the rights to continue running the business like this. Bleak.

The instructor encourages the ‘elite scramble.’ Continuing from the previous point, the teacher may begin to ONLY teach the high grade students, at “high grade classes” for, say, blue belt and above. That way, they can keep up the delusion that they’re a full time teacher AND run the business. Also, it instills a feeling of elitism among the high grade pupils, and a scramble to get the black belt and be near the “master” ensues. When this happens, the pupils may gain favor by the teacher by becoming victims of bargaining. Eg, the brown/ black belt student will agree to teach the beginners for free, while still paying for their own lessons, and the teacher need not waste time teaching beginners. Crafty, I must admit.

The teacher/business owner promotes the style over the students. The presence and number of students is used as a means of promoting the school and the style. By staying truly loyal to the school (regardless of the shoddy teaching quality), elite pupils are being secretly brainwashed into going out into the world and not become “teachers” of the style, but “representatives” of the style or even the school. Growth of the business is more important than personal development of the students.

The teacher has basically had enough of teaching. Perhaps the most fundamental aspect of a McDojo. If teaching no longer holds any appeal to the teacher, but the club has become their livelihood and pulls in a lot of money, then they can’t immediately sell the school off. It becomes much easier for the teacher to sit back, run the business and promotion and think to themselves that these programs will do all the work for them.

I implore you to think of what consequences may arise from learning martial arts from a lazy complacent teacher may have on your training. Always remember, their is no such thing as a superior style (especially if you cross train in different ones), only a superior teacher. Go out there, armed with your new McDojo wise knowledge, and find one. Osu.

“Avoiding a McDojo: A Comprehensive Guide by Ben” Part 1: General Definition

“McDojo” is a term coined by western martial artists to describe a martial arts school (of any style) that teaches a watered down, impractical form of martial arts, simply for the money. McDojos and their instructors don’t care about you, or about helping you to achieve your goals. All they want is your money, and quite a lot of it. Martial arts clubs that claim something along the lines of: “YOU CAN BE A BLACK BELT IN JUST 2 YEARS FOR JUST $19/£19 PER MONTH” may as well simply put up a sign saying “MCDOJO: DO NOT ENTER.”

The Dojo Kun for McDojos are:

1. SEEK EXPLOITS OF CHARACTER!
2. BE FAITHFUL TO YOUR CONTRACT!
3. ENDEAVOR TRAINING EVEN THROUGH FINANCIAL HARDSHIP!
4. RESPECT YOURSELF MORE THAN OTHERS!
5. REFRAIN FROM SELF-DEFENDING BEHAVIOR!

*Disclaimer: This is not a real dojo kun, but evidence of this is visible upon watching a class in question.

It is a very sad and unfortunate situation to be faced with as a dedicated martial artist, but a lot of western self defense instructors are not properly qualified and could be teaching you impractical stuff that could potentially get you killed. Even more worrying is the prospect that these people may not have even been in a life or death fight situation. How could they possibly be able to effectively teach us how to defend ourselves when they don’t even know the ins and outs of it? Oh the nerve…
Fortunately, www.selfdefencecombat.com gave us a very good set of rules with choosing the right school and avoiding McDojos. I will take it upon myself to share them with you now.

Rule #1 – You should always interview a potential martial arts or self defense instructor before you join the dojo. You want to put them through an interview process finding out what qualifies them to teach you. (*A good sign is if the instructor is in the police force or a law enforcer.) If they got a black belt in taekwondo at the age of 15 and have never been in a real fight other than sparring, turn away and run!

Rule #2 – You want to make sure the class you will be joining has full contact sparring. You need to feel the pain of being hit, get accustomed to having fists and feet thrown at you. You need to have active experience in actual combat situations.

Rule #3 – Not all mixed martial arts instructors understand the difference between in the octagon and on the streets. If they tell you their jujutsu will save you on the ground they are wrong, simply because you never want a street fight to go to the ground. You can get stomped, stabbed, or smashed by your opponent and possibly his friends.

Rule #4 – A self-defence instructor should be certified and trained under a known expert of the art. You don’t want to pick a guy with a black belt who proclaims he’s an expert. You should be learning reality based street fighting for the modern world. You don’t want to learn simple techniques for a variety of “common attacks” with no real power or force based on what he’s teaching.

Rule #5 – If he prefers to be called a master, or claims to be a family member of a group of master self-defence instructors or martial artists, he’s full of crap. Most dojo’s want to make money and if they throw a lot of hype into their sales pitch you know he just wants your money and the stuff he teaches is probably garbage.

That’s all for part 1. Part 2 will be focusing on the specific traits and scams of McDojos. See you then. Osu.

The Best Martial Art?

I am 18 years of age and have been practicing the martial arts for about 13 years. I’ve been bullied; mugged in broad daylight; competed in local, national, european and world championships; and I own in excess of 110 martial arts films (and counting). I know a few things about the effectiveness of certain martial arts and, more importantly, their weaknesses. Recently, I was asked “Ben, what is the best martial art out there?” To which I had to respond “There isn’t one.”

Why? Because there is no superior martial art, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
As any intelligent person should be able to understand, there is only such thing as a superior MARTIAL ARTIST. A world Muay Thai champion will have a hard time in a street fight with someone who is an expert in submission grappling or greco roman wrestling, for instance, simply because they have specialised in primarily one style and not spent a great deal of time observing others.
Each martial art has it’s own attributes that appeal to different people. For instance, someone of a strong, heavy body structure would find softer (use the term wisely) arts such as Judo or Aikido appealing, due to their emphasis on grappling; joint locks; throws and submissions as averse to high kicks or complicated strikes. Someone of a light or flexible body structure may find hard martial arts such as Taekwondo; Tang Soo Do or Karate appealing due to the strikes and kicks on offer.
The measure of a true martial artist is to be able to understand and fully appreciate the strengths and weaknesses of every martial art, and be able to exploit them in fight situations by adapting, according to what your opponent is doing. The best way to do this is to cross train in different martial arts, and gain a feel for all aspects of fighting.
This includes: punches; kicks; knees; elbows; combinations; chokes; joint locks; evasions; reversals; holds; throws; submissions; breaks and manipulation of pressure points, to name but a few. By gaining a feel for all of these and maintaining an open mind, one will be a better martial artist.

The other thing that must be taken into consideration when studying the martial arts is the quality of the instruction. There are a LOT of McDojo’s and belt factories out there that teach watered down, bastardised versions of martial arts.
Danger signs of a McDojo include: emphasis on basic techniques and forms over self defence and free fighting; a teacher who is 35 years of age or younger and claims to be of master belt level (a lie most of the time, master belts are rarely below the age of 42); more time dedicated to promoting the club itself rather that teaching; an accountant hired by the dojo to handle monetary needs (teachers of martial arts should be able to do this themselves); child black belts (creates severe dilusions of grandeur in their fragile minds) and disorder in class. If any of these things are present in your club, turn around and run. For more info, refer to my “Avoiding a McDojo: A Comprehensive Guide by Ben” blogs.

Also, any club that claims to be teaching “Ninjitsu” outside of Japan is automatically a McDojo. There is one near where i live in Bedfordshire, England, and it most definately is NOT Ninjitsu. It is military martial arts or shootfighting disguised as “Ninjitsu,” possibly even a westernised version of Krav Maga. Ninjitsu is not even a cut and dried martial art. It is a way of life for a sect of highly trained assassins that the Japanese practitioners have worked tirelessley to keep secret. Westerners who claim to be teaching it are automatically only doing so to either massage their fragile egos or grab money fast. Do not fall for it.

My personal favourite martial arts as far as practicalities and application to the street are concerned are: Jujitsu (japanese); Kyokushin Karate; Muay Thai; Kempo Karate; Hapkido and Wing Chun. It is purely down to personal opinion, but I believe that training in at least two of these will arm you with a reasonably well rounded fighting arsenal.

So I will wrap this up by saying that it is the quality of the instruction and the dedication of the student that determines one’s success in the martial arts. Training in martial arts is a personal journey to become a great fighter, not a competition between different styles.
Enjoy your training. Osu.